Our grandma in loving memories
This picture was taken on Cousin Sam & Dom's wedding.. Though grandma left us for good on 01/08/08, but I do pray that she has a better life now. Throughout her sickness, saw her being so helpless wheelchair bounded, getting skinnier as days passes, I really feel heartache..
It has been years since I've last blogged, now just trying to find a place to voice out how I feel towards my Ah Ma's leaving & my new life with my 33 weeks & 2 days old baby in my tummy..
I do have regrets.. Regretted why I never visited my Ah Ma the week she left us.. Regretted that I haven't got the chance to thank her, thanking her for helping to save my marriage as I was once foolish to make a grave mistake.. I was stubborn then, but Ah Ma & Ah Gong softened me, made me really sit down & think through wat was right & wrong.. I really wana tell her sorry that I've made her worried and cried for my problems.. But... I have no more chance already.. Right now, here, I wana tell my Ah Ma, I love her and I'm really sorry..
Throughout all these years, I've never learnt how to communicate well wif the older generations.. Everytime I go visit Ah Ma & Ah Gong, all i know is to buy them food they like, sit around the house for a few hours to accompany them.. Only my hubby Ian knows how to chat wif both of the oldies in the house.. He has the patience to talk to them, listening to them telling their long long ago stories.. Dat's why, Ah Ma dotes him alot.. She keep telling me, my hubby is a very good man, asking me to treasure my marriage..
I did.. I wana tell Ah Ma, I've listened to her, I did try to amend myself, make up for the mistakes I've made.. I even have a great grandchild waiting for her to see, but she can't make it to wait and see.. I broke down the moment I saw her last in her bed, asking myself, why she never waited for my baby.... I told myself, Ah Ma has left to make everyone and herself suffer lesser.. She loves everyone around her, she just wanted to leave and end sufferings for all, including herself..
Now I just hope that Ah Gong can stay healthy and strong, on behalf of Ah Ma, to see all her great grandchildren coming to this world this year and next year.. I really feel better after voicing out wat I wana say here, rather than keeping all to myself.. Maybe I'll start blogging after my baby is born, putting all the pics in.. =)
